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How I Forgave Someone Who Hurt Me

 

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We were going about 80 miles per hour before I opened the car door ready to jump out onto the highway.  No, I wasn’t thinking.  I was reacting to the statement:

“Melodee, I’m fucking mad that you weren’t there for your Mother while she was in the hospital..” by someone I deeply and wholeheartedly trusted.

My Mother had died of cancer about a year and a half before this conversation. And while I wasn’t by her side 24/7 due to having a 9 to 5, I was there almost every day hours upon hours upon hours (and this person making the accusation only visited once).

Seconds after this was said I opened up the passenger door of their sports car and attempted to jump out of it.

Fortunately, they reached over and grabbed it even though I continued to try and push it open.

It was like a sword had been stabbed in my heart and I had to get.a.way.

After we stopped on the side of a busy highway, I jumped out called my Dad while sobbing and trying to explain to him what had happened.

My Dad couldn’t hear a word of the conversation and told me later that he had feared I was being raped.

After calming down, I explained it the best I could through heaps of tears.

I don’t remember what he said, but I felt peace in my heart.

Once we arrived to the destination, I told this individual in no uncertain terms that I would never speak to them again.

We were done as far as I was concerned.

Trust is everything to me and after feeling violated (emotionally and verbally) I would could never trust them again.

Funerals.
Reunions.
Birthdays.
Anniversaries.
Just because gatherings.

Or whatever.

If that person showed up, I would avoid going all together and if I went I’d act as if they didn’t exist even if they spoke or tried to hug me.

At one point, I said “oh I’ve forgiven so and so… but that doesn’t mean you forget and remove boundaries!

And I had forgiven this person, because I didn’t want the cancer of bitterness to boil and consume me.

But I would not acknowledge them and rolled my eyes if anyone spoke of them.

After many years of silence, avoidance, therapy, prayer, and inward reflection… I started dealing with the root of why what someone said hurt me so bad.

I felt judged.
I felt gossiped about.
And mostly, I felt betrayed.

This realization that it was more than their wrong assumption and false accusation, I had allowed their opinion to takeover my power.

Last year, I took back my power and forgave them. Like really forgave them.

We talked and listened and cried and laughed.

Come to find out this person had been angry and didn’t understand why God allowed my Mother (one of His most dedicated advocates) to die before her time.

Out of anger, a statement was made towards me.

Not an excuse. Simply truth.

Immediately after I forgave this person, I felt a burden (that I had no idea I was carrying) release.

More joy. Greater peace. Real hope.

——–

What I’ve Learned About Forgiveness

Forgiveness doesn’t exclude the violator from consequences or boundaries.

Forgiveness requires that you decipher through your emotions with yourself, God, a professional therapist and distance.

Forgiveness takes time and doesn’t happen overnight.

Forgiveness is the antagonist to bitterness.

Forgiveness is absolutely the key to freedom, peace and joy.

——-
My Hope For You

You’ll understand that being strong doesn’t excuse wrong.

You’ll give yourself grace when others fall on their face, and come to the realization that it is only an opinion.

You’ll release any and everything that’s holding you back from being all that you’re meant to be.

———

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. Hope it encouraged you and that you had a beautiful weekend.

I’d love to hear how you dealt with forgiveness in the past or present. Leave a comment below and share with me how you’ve dealt with people who’ve hurt you and your perspective on forgiveness. Look forward to connecting in the comments below!

with love & joy,
Melodee

P.S.
Keep a watch on your inbox for my next blog, it’ll likely be about the importance of resistance and how rejection is really for our protection.

 

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